Self-Esteem and Therapy: The Path to a Healthier Self-Image
Self-esteem is our relationship with ourselves: how we value, accept, and treat ourselves. Healthy self-esteem does not mean thinking you are perfect or better than others. It means feeling adequate and worthy as you are: with your strengths and weaknesses.
What Is Self-Esteem?
Self-esteem consists of several dimensions:
- Self-worth: Do you feel valuable as a person? Do you deserve good things?
- Self-confidence: Do you believe you can handle challenges and learn new things?
- Self-knowledge: Do you know your strengths, weaknesses, needs, and boundaries?
- Self-compassion: Do you treat yourself kindly and understandingly during difficult moments?
Low self-esteem means one or more of these dimensions is damaged. It is not a character trait but a learned way of relating to oneself, and therefore it can be changed.
Root Causes of Low Self-Esteem
Self-esteem is shaped especially during childhood and adolescence. Typical underlying causes of low self-esteem include:
Childhood experiences: Criticism, neglect, rejection, or excessive expectations from parents can lead to internalized beliefs of inadequacy.
Bullying: Childhood bullying can leave deep marks on self-esteem that carry into adulthood.
Unhealthy relationships: Controlling, abusive, or contemptuous relationships erode self-esteem.
Experiences of failure: Repeated failures without adequate support can form the belief "I cannot do anything."
Societal pressures: Appearance pressures, performance pressures, and social media comparison weaken self-esteem, especially in young people.
How Low Self-Esteem Shows in Daily Life
Low self-esteem broadly affects various areas of life:
- Relationships: Difficulty setting boundaries, dependence on others' approval, staying in toxic relationships
- Work: Underperformance, difficulty accepting praise, perfectionism, burnout
- Decision-making: Insecurity, overweighting others' opinions
- Emotions: Anxiety, shame, depression, anger toward oneself
- Behavior: Avoidance, people-pleasing, self-deprecation, substance use
Therapy for Strengthening Self-Esteem
Therapy is one of the most effective ways to build healthier self-esteem. Different therapy modalities offer various approaches:
Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT): Identifies and changes negative beliefs about oneself. The "I am worthless" thought is critically examined and replaced with a more realistic view.
Schema Therapy: Dives deeper into beliefs formed in childhood and helps correct early harmful schemas.
Compassion-Focused Therapy (CFT): Teaches relating to oneself kindly and understandingly instead of the critical inner voice.
Psychodynamic Therapy: Explores the roots of self-esteem issues through early experiences and relationships.
Practical Exercises for Building Self-Esteem
Alongside therapy, you can try these exercises:
Identify the inner critic: Pay attention to your inner dialogue. When you notice the critical voice, ask: "Would I speak this way to a friend?" If not, why do you speak this way to yourself?
Success journal: Write down three things you succeeded in each evening: even small ones.
Receiving compliments: Practice accepting compliments without dismissing them. Simply say "thank you."
Clarifying values: Think about what values are important to you and act according to them: regardless of what others think.
Setting boundaries: Practice saying no to things that do not serve you. Every boundary is an act of strengthening self-esteem.
When to Seek Professional Help
Seek help if:
- Low self-esteem significantly impairs your relationships or work life
- You experience constant feelings of inadequacy or worthlessness
- You have self-destructive tendencies or shame-driven isolation
- You have repeatedly entered or stayed in unhealthy relationships
- Perfectionism or the need to please is exhausting you
Therapy Costs and Options
A therapy session typically costs 80–120 euros. Self-esteem issues are often linked to depression or anxiety, making Kela's rehabilitative psychotherapy a possibility.
Self-esteem change is possible at any age. It does not happen overnight, but every step toward self-compassion and self-worth is valuable. You are valuable, and you deserve to treat yourself accordingly.
Where to find a therapist
You can look for a therapist in several places:
- Search services run by the Finnish Psychological Association (Psykologiliitto) and professional bodies.
- Kela's service provider search, if you are applying for rehabilitative psychotherapy (only Kela-approved therapists qualify for reimbursement).
- The Valitse Terapia service and other directories.
- Your own health centre, occupational health service or student health service (YTHS), which can refer you onward.
You can contact several therapists and see with whom the collaboration feels natural.
Get help in a crisis now
If you are having thoughts of self-harm or are otherwise in an acute crisis, you do not have to face it alone.
- In an emergency, call 112.
- MIELI Mental Health Finland crisis line: 09 2525 0113 (English and Arabic), 09 2525 0111 (Finnish), 09 2525 0112 (Swedish).
- For under-29s: Sekasin chat (sekasin.fi).
Help is available anonymously, and you do not need to be sure your situation is serious enough.
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